Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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