2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He better not be in your backpack
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
