I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
