I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
