i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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