There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
