accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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