He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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