I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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