If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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