She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
