I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
