You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
