So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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