I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
