We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
