I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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