you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
