My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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