today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
