Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
