Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
