dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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