just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
