I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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