State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
