there's paper in my vomit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
