my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
