the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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