Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
