So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
