that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
