every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
