Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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