She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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