paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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