just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
