i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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