One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
