i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
