He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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