my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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