Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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