her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
