Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
