Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
