Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
