I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
