He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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