And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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