You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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