I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
