So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
